Is it the End?

I really liked Divorced Dad. Going out with him was totally awesome, but I think we may have run our course. He has had his kids a lot more recently, but even that doesn't excuse our lack of time together. I haven't seen this guy since December 5. Just hit the four week mark and I'm wondering what I'm doing.

I've had long distance relationships, I mean Texas to Detroit type of distances, and I can't recall going a month without seeing the person. I think what irks me even more about this is that he only lives nine miles away from me. I travel almost 30 miles one way to get to work. Its like having someone so close, but so far at the same time.

I wonder if he's using the kids as an excuse. Because as he claims to never be able to get a baby sitter, he has still been able to go out to football games and even with a friend last week. I called Saturday night just to see what was up since we hadn't spoken in a couple days. He told me he was on his way out with his boy that was in from out of town. I didn't hide how pissed I was. There hasn't been one free minute for me, but there was for someone that came in from out of town.

Funny thing is, I've only wanted to see him for the last few weeks so I could end it. It didn't feel right doing it via text, our usual method of conversation, or even on the phone. For a guy that I thought I was falling in love with, I thought I owed him a better way of breaking up.

I had been thinking for weeks about the kids and if I really wanted to get in deep with someone with so much responsibility. And I knew if I wanted to be with him that the kids would run his life. I also realized that I wanted, for once in my life, to be the most important thing in someone else's life. And with him, I'd always be no higher than #4.

I've told him from the beginning that I wanted something serious. And the time that I spent with him, made me see a lot of things differently. I actually like doing things for a man that appreciates it. I do want kids someday, and perhaps even soon. And I really like being in a relationship. I'm not sure where we're headed at the moment, but for the last few weeks I've kept my options open and meet a couple of really nice guys already.

As I finish writing this, I realize, this probably is the end. I just have a hard time of letting go of things. I hoard men. I like to keep them around in case I need them again. I’m actually friends with all of my exes. Even the ones that didn’t treat me the best. Perhaps I need to learn to let go in 2013.