Laws of Attraction

Everyone one has a type that they find attractive. Sometimes that type changes over time or you go phases. For awhile, most of the guys I dated were tall, dark skinned, muscular with a shaved head. There was usually a motorcycle involved too, but that's another story for another post.

As of lately, I really don't know what my type of guy is. I'm not gravitating towards one particular look or type of guy. I've even started dating more white, hispanic and middle eastern guys. I've spent years dating only black men. Luckily black men come in all different shades so you could end up with one as dark and fine as Idris Elba or the other side spectrum like Jesse Williams. But that is a beauty of black men, there are so many different shades and types.

So what if you aren't physically attracted to someone right away? I've said before that someone has grown on me, but that usually meant their personality or some other quirk they have. As I have gotten older I realize that I don't want someone's personality to grow on me. I want someone that I click with right away.

“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.” - Shakespeare

Online dating lets you really get know someone before you meet them. People usually posts their best and most flattering pictures, but that is not necessarily how the person may look on a daily basis.

I met a guy on OKCupid in July of 2010. We had a lot in common, he was Jewish and not that attractive. But our date went really well. We saw each other again a few weeks later and he next invited me to the Eminem and Jay-Z concert, a big deal to anyone that lived in Detroit. The show sold out in just a day, but he still asked me to go.

He wasn't really making any moves on me and since I wasn't super hot for him like I am for Adam Levine, I didn't really push the issue. Soon time between dates became longer and longer up to four months at times. We had a make-out session once and he promptly asked me to go home with him. I was in the middle of 9-month celibacy run and I declined.

Lately, we've begun hanging out even more and I'm wondering, did I not give him a shot because I wasn't totally hot for him? I've spent a lot of 2012 examining my life, choices and trying to make better decisions. I'm not wallowing in decisions that I have made in the past, but I realize there were several guys that I didn't give a chance. The Jewish guy has qualities that I've been looking for in a man. Whenever I've said something on Facebook about having to do a work thing, he's volunteered to be there. When I want to go to an interesting event, that many black men wouldn't dare go to, he's game for anything. One afternoon I dragged him from the farmers market, a work event, shopping and back to my house so I could finish some yard work.

Have you ever seen a couple where one was hot and the other ugly/homely and wondered how they ended up together? Now I understand; it doesn't matter what someone looks like as long as they treat you how you want to be treated and you have a special compatibility. Are looks the most important thing to you? Would you want someone that is super hot, but had nothing in common with. Do you believe that you can grow to find someone attractive, even if you first don't find them physically attractive?